Watching All the Dreams We Had Turn into Static

[starjargon]

Rating: General
Genre: Hurt, Angst, Tragedy, Introspection
Pairings or Characters: Tenth Doctor, Rose Tyler, Tenth Doctor Duplicate
Warnings: Re: Note Genre; Dark
Disclaimer: The Doctor and all other characters mentioned do not belong to me. No profit made from this work, no infringement intended.
Summary: A different take on why the Doctor had to leave Rose behind in Pete's World with his metacrisis.


She couldn't stay. He knew that the moment

he realized what she would always be. What he had made her. What the man in front of him was now. The man who had mercilessly murdered the Daleks, the same way she had murdered them once before. He had tried to excuse her. He was a different man then. Full of anger and hatred and fresh from the war that had decimated his people. For so long, he had tried to fool himself, convince himself that he could redeem her, that she could learn to be better than what he had made her.

Before he had heard her, cheering on the other people he had corrupted, gleeful at the thought of more death and destruction as a means to an end, he had seen her- his Rose Tyler, holding a weapon like it belonged in her hand. And his hearts had broken. This universe couldn't contain them. His new child, born out of catastrophe, chaos, and...Donna, was human. He could age. He could die. His destructive and dangerous nature would be limited to Earth- another Earth in another dimension. So was Rose's. Perhaps, together, with Donna's compassion somewhere in his misguided son and with Jackie Tyler's unconditional love for her daughter, both of them could learn to be so much better than what he had allowed them to become. Because he had seen his own soul, and worse than the destroyer of worlds, he was the destroyer of their innocence.

She had been nineteen when they'd met. Merely nineteen years old. Full of spunk and caring and love for creatures that even he tried to destroy. Then, he had corrupted her. He made her think himself so important that she had destroyed thousands and thousands of lives, just to save his one. Dalek lives- but living, thinking creatures nonetheless. He had made that choice himself before. And now, he couldn't bear to see that look in her eyes and understand it for what it was.

The big Bad Wolf. The Oncoming Storm. Both dangerous and to be feared by all.

And then she asked him how was that sentence to end. How could it end? He had turned her into himself- a creature he hated more than any other in the universe. He couldn't answer her honestly; it really wasn't her fault. Just a choice she had made. Just like the one he had made. Just like the choice his unexpected son had made. And the three of them were too dangerous to remain in the same universe. The others- they had threatened, but she was the only one who had ever followed through. He could still save them- send them home back to their lives and stay far away. But he couldn't save her. Not anymore. Or him. So, he walked away.

He didn't have the hearts for anymore regret.

They had each other. Perhaps, away from him, they could be good again. Human. Humane.

He hoped so. He hoped with everything in him that that sweet, life-changing girl was still in there somewhere, and that perhaps his child could find her again. But he would never know.

---

A/N- One thing that absolutely abhorred me originally when Rose came back again is that she came back nonchalantly holding a gun & it made me realize- my sweet, innocent Rose who once stood in front of a Dalek to protect it from the Doctor, destroyed a fleet of Daleks to save him- a choice the likes of which is usually only made by the Doctor himself. And yes, for the context of this story, I did reason that the part-human Doctor is the Doctor's son the same way Jenny was his daughter.

Give it a moment and think it over. Please review.

Thank you so much to the lovely Sylva Dax, who was kind enough to beta this for me. Title from Skillet's Open Wounds.

Comments

[shivver13.livejournal.com]

Very nicely expressed. I felt exactly the same way - how could the Doctor continue to love the soldier, the eager killer that returned from Pete's World. I asked the same question later, of how the Doctor could continue to love the woman who wanted to let the universe die rather than kill him. (It seems that few people share my thoughts; perhaps I'm missing some essential romantic brain cells.) To me, this train of thought makes so much more sense than what was implied in the actual episode. Thanks very much for writing this!

[starjargon.livejournal.com]

You're very welcome, and I'm very pleased you liked the way I conveyed that issue. I don't think he hated her when she returned, but I do think he would have noticed how she had changed, especially since when she officially came back it was in the moment when his affect on all his companions (except Donna) was highlighted. I also think he's a huge narcissist, so he'd both love and hate the great lengths River went to to save him (but, she never says she won't kill him despite not wanting to, only that she wanted him to know he was loved before she did). I think he felt the same thing about Rose as River in this aspect- terrified at how far these people would go for him, yet his ego has still been stroked, & as much as he hates that part of himself, he also lets them keep doing it.
Thank you so much for reading it, and I'm glad it was able to express a different viewpoint for you.