starjargon: (AmyRory DoctorRiver)
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A/N- Random short piece of humour and fluff for you based off the thought I had that the Doctor never overreacts. Or so he would claim. Space Gandalf is a reference to a tag scene from from Series 5 (look up series 5 minisodes and you should find it).  Have fun...

"I'm just saying, you two don't have to throw it in everybody's face all hours of the day!"

"Oh, it was just some light snogging, Doctor, stop overreacting," defended Amy with an eye roll, as the Ponds and Songs made their way back onto the TARDIS, having been asked to leave the 19th century event they were at due to the Ponds' "disgraceful" behaviour.

"Overreacting?! I'll have you know, I have never overreacted a day in my life!" Amy snorted at this before the Doctor even concluded his sentence.

"Right," she said, crossing her arms, looking at her daughter and very uncomfortable son- in- law. "Well, we'll make believe that's true for all of a second. Don't pretend you two have never gotten us kicked out of places. In fact, I'm quite surprised you haven't made more progress in your attempts at entirely "disgraceful" public displays of affection yourself."

"I've never made any such attempts, Amelia Pond!" squeaked the Doctor in embarrassment.

"I meant her, Doctor." She sighed as she nodded toward her smirking daughter. "Of course not you. You, you're like some weird… space monk."

"Space monk?"

"I used to think you were just another bloke, but now I'm pretty sure Space Gandalf wasn't accurate enough. More like… Space Mickey Mouse. At least before my daughter started corrupting you."

"Thank you, Mother," said a delighted River with a very proud grin on her face.

The Doctor's mouth did a marvelous impression of a goldfish at this insult. He was pretty sure it was an insult. He'd ask Rory a little later, just to be sure.

"If there was any corrupting, Pond, it would have been by me!" insisted the Doctor, not really understanding his own point, but fairly certain he was making one.

Amy crossed her arms, smirking in disbelief.

The Doctor looked toward Rory. Good old Roman, always came through in a jam.

His saviour had his lips pressed together tightly, trying to hold in his laughter, while still letting his eyes roam the console room ceiling- not entirely comfortable with the topic of conversation now that it involved his daughter.

The Doctor never did trust the centurion.

He harrumphed. So much for solidarity amongst men.

"Answer me this, Doctor, before River and I came into your life, did you even know what a kiss was?"

"There's a sentence I could've gone my whole life without hearing," inserted Rory awkwardly, pointing at his spouse to stop her from going any further.

The Doctor gaped at this, his hands twirling in anxiety as he looked to his own wife, hoping she'd share in his offence.

She looked back at him and smiled in understanding. And pity. That did it!

"I'll have you know, Pond, I've been kissed by loads of people in my life. Dozens! Hundreds, even! There are whole books on the people who've kissed me!"

"Kissed you?" The ginger tsked sympathetically. "So, you've never actually kissed anyone before, have you Doctor? Like I said. Space Mickey Mouse. 's why I trust my only child with you. You're like every parent's dream, when you're not nearly getting her killed. Safe. Dependable. Predictable." She turned to her daughter at this, exchanging a supportive glance and an approving nod. "You could've done worse."

"Could've done wor-" the Doctor's mouth formed the words, though no sound actually left him, fury and irritation bubbling over.

"Mickey Mouse?! Dependable?! PREDICTABLE?! You want corruption, I'll show you corruption, Pond! How's this for safe?!" And with that he twirled around to a very glee- filled River, grabbing her firmly by the face and kissing her as though he was suffocating and she was oxygen. Once he got into it, he even dipped her a little, one hand buried in her hair, the other on her waist. He kept on with his current activity, all thoughts of vengeance and proving a point replaced by thoughts of his wife's lips, until Rory cleared his throat uncomfortably, grabbing Amy's hand to leave the two "equally corruptible" people to their moment.

Grinning widely into her husband's mouth, River discreetly passed her triumphant mother a tenner behind her back, before moving her hands up to rest on the Doctor's shoulders.


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