18) She's River... And She's Our Daughter

[starjargon]

Amy struggles to deal with Melody/ Mels/ River and realizes she and her daughter have more in common than she thought.

As the TARDIS braked outside of Stormcage, River put on her best smile and prepared to greet whatever version of her husband emerged from her real home.

"Hello Swee-"

But it was a very forlorn looking Amy, not the Doctor, who exited the TARDIS doors.

"Amy- are you ok?"

She stood looking down, not making eye contact with River.

"Asked the Doctor to bring me here."

"Ok. What's wrong?" demanded River, her guard immediately up, ready to take on whatever it was that had her mother looking so… lost. She had tears in her eyes and a sadness in her voice that River recognized from very few times before. A very confused despair.

"My baby was stolen from me. She dissolved right in my arms."

River didn't know how to respond to this. She didn't know how far Amy was in their time stream- didn't know if she was aware that her baby was standing in front of her.

"Turns out I grew up with her. She was my best friend in the whole world."

River relaxed- her mum knew her. She looked at the confused face she knew so well, leaving her cell with the screwdriver Amy passed her and leading her mother back into the TARDIS.

They went into one of the living areas that consisted of stove, sink, beanbags, couches, and a small trampoline. Also known as the kitchen where they ate when the Doctor decided tables were rubbish.

Amy made her way to one of the larger sofas and sank into it, River sitting beside her after putting the kettle on. She pulled her knees up to her chest, and River reached out a tentative hand to rest on hers.

"Mu- Amy. What's this about?"

"When we- wait, where are you?"

"I just spent Christmas with the Doctor; you guys were on a cruise space ship for your honeymoon. The last time I saw you was… your 25th birthday."

"Oh. I'm not there yet."

"Where are you?"

"We just left this man- he found out his son wasn't really his son, and he loved him anyway. He claimed and loved a baby that wasn't even really his." She nearly broke down, " In terms of you- we just left you in the hospital after Berlin."

River sucked in a breath.

"Oh."

"Yeah. Oh."

"So, what's troubling you exactly?"

"It's just… so much to accept, yeah? You're you. And you're Mels. And you're Melody. I just can't- well, I can, it's just... Ahh! I can't even sort my own thoughts."

"Ok. Try one sentence at a time."

"River Song is my daughter."

She laughed at the bluntness and attitude in this statement.

"Yes, I am."

"The Doctor loves River Song."

"Mm. Yes he does."

She got up and poured them each a cup of tea, sitting back down next to an Amy who still looked like her brain needed to catch up with where she was trying to lead it.

"The Doctor loves my daughter."

"Getting somewhere."

"I didn't know I was pregnant with my daughter until I gave birth."

"Well, the original test I bought with you did come out positive. Of course, then things… got complicated."  She tried to laugh of the complexity of their situation.

"My best friend bought me a test confirming I was pregnant… with her."

"Ok, still only one sentence at a time…"

"My best friend, who I grew up with, was also the baby I carried and named and nursed, was also the woman I met on the Byzantium before I was married."

"Yes. And, spoilers."

"Ok. Getting there. Nope. Not there yet."

"Ok."

"You were Mels."

"I know."

"You died."

"Yes, I did. More than once."

"We left you."

"Yes, you did."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be. Contrary to your timeline, I am very much a grown woman. And, considering we've been talking for not 15 minutes and you've already let spoilers slip, I'd imagine you'd have a really hard time with the foreknowledge you have and being with me in a confined space. At least now, I know to warn you. Then, I was so young. And confused. It would have been a disaster! Not to mention you and Dad, I mean, Rory, have always had so much influence on my opinions. But back then, for the first time in my life, I got to fully decide what to do with my life and what to think for myself. My life finally belonged to me. Even when I was young, the brainwashing always ensured I would have eventually found and killed the Doctor."

"So, you were brainwashed then?"

"Of course."

"Are you still?"

She smiled gently.

"I know my own mind, if that's what you're asking. But there are certain messages that come through now and then. I just get to choose what to listen to."

"Like what?"

"Moth- Amy," River said with a warning in her tone.

"You're in prison. My daughter's in prison."

"Yes."

"For murder. You killed a good man."

"Well, it seems you know enough about me at this point. More or less."

"Was it the Doctor? Is that who you killed?"

River reached out and put her hand on Amy's once more.

"Would it change the way you see me if it was?" River carefully evaded.

"That's just it- I'm not sure how to see you. Before was complicated, but now…"

"That's not what this is about. What is it that's really bothering you? Just say it."

"You grew up with me."

"Yes."

"Before that, you were in an orphanage."

"Mm hm."

"Where I wasn't."

"No."

"I'm never going to see my baby again, am I?"

"No, Amy. You won't." River said matter of factly- her mother having finally voiced her biggest problem.

Amy looked up at this- holding River's gaze as she tried to process and accept yet another fact of her very confusing life. Then, she gulped- needing another answer as desperately as she needed air.

"When the Doctor left us- at Demon's Run- did he come to see you?"

River considered this, knowing where she was headed with the questions.

"He might have done."

"And he asked you where you'd been taken?"

"Yes."

"So, why didn't he ever find you?"

River couldn't meet her mum's eyes when she at last made her confession.

"Because I asked him not to," she almost whispered.

Amy firmly lifted her daughter's head at this.

"Why?!" She asked, hurt and anger finally seeping through.

River carefully studied her, knowing her answer would probably never satisfy a grieving mother.

"Because Melody Pond could have never have become River Song."

"What?"

"Mother." She finally let the word slip through, "I was raised for one purpose, and one purpose alone- to kill the Doctor. And then, when I learned the truth of what he is, I fell in love with him. But without that training, I wouldn't be me. The me now. The me he loves back. I would simply be his companions' daughter."

"But isn't that a good thing?"

"It might have been at one time. Who knows? We could have lived a linear life together, all four of us, travelling the stars. But it would have rewritten time. Another Melody Pond would have taken my place, lived a life I never did, and regardless of how long she lived, would have never been me."

"But she would have- All that pain you went through, was it all really worth it? To miss out on a normal life with a proper family, to die again and again I don't even know how, to wind up in prison? When all it would have taken was a sentence to change everything! Why would you give all that up?"

"I asked you once the same question- The Doctor. Is he worth it? You insisted very enthusiastically that he was."

"So you gave up your everything- your future, your past, your present- everything that should have been or could have been- for a boy?"

She smirked at that statement. Amy didn't know the half of it.

"The Doctor loves River Song. River Song loves the Doctor. Oh, yes I did."

Amy looked into her daughter's eyes- eyes full of joy and conviction and devoid of any regret at what she had just said. She asked herself if she had to make the same choice- if she had to completely lose everything she was or could have been just so she could keep her life with Rory- wouldn't she do the same thing?

Absolutely.

She knew she would rip time itself apart if it meant keeping him- and one look at River showed her that her daughter would do the exact same thing for her Doctor.

No, she couldn't blame her. Some boys were worth defying time for.

"I have to ask- Melody Pond. Are you happy?"

"Mother," she felt pleased when Amy let out a gentle smile at the word, "I have everything I could ever want. Yes. I am very happy."

"Even though you're in prison?"

"Oh- just a few walls. Nothing I can't handle. Besides- it does keep things fun."

They laughed at that- Amy knowing how both of them got when they allowed themselves to get bored. But, she felt like she needed to get one more thing off her chest at the moment.

"I really didn't want to leave you, you know."

River smiled at her mother's concern.

"I knew that. You never left me when I was Mels. And you were there when I woke up, sitting by my bedside as my mother- that meant so much to me. You accepted who I was! I knew there was a good reason you weren't there when I woke up again. Besides, we both needed the time apart to figure out where to go from there. How long ago, linearly, was Berlin for you?"

"About a month."

"Hmm. You see? You found me when you were ready. And do you want a small spoiler?"

Amy nodded, eagerly.

"I did the same thing. One day, I go to a you who knows who I am, and we have a reverse of this conversation. Beware of giving too much away when that happens!"

"I will!" said Amy as she laughed at her own loose lips, glad that it seemed they would really be alright. River laughed along with her, both delighting in the noise after so serious a conversation.

"So, do you feel better now? Everything all processed?"

"Not hardly. But I'm getting there."

River nodded, glad her mother had gotten at least a moment's peace. Then she turned serious once more.

"I'm sorry you'll never see your baby again."

Amy took her in for a moment, considering.

"Me too. However, I don't see any reason why I can't still hold her."

She smiled tentatively. River looked at her, then scooted closer.

"Me neither," she replied as she hugged her mother tightly, neither really willing to let go.

Comments

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